Lose consciousness
Feeling lost in time and space.
About a hundred to a hundred and fifty people were filling the place. A bar in the back that was just in time to give everyone their drinks before the show started. A big sound and light panel in the middle of the room, two people controlling the switches. The lights where all dimmed, a soft chattering of people talking about the weather and other small talk was filling the room. I stood there trying to not feel so overwhelmed by the sheer amount of people in a place like this. A lot of emotions that always drain me when I go to shows. I wasn’t talking much, I was just taking it all in.
I was seeing how the instruments where ready to be played, almost screaming for the musicians to come up on stage and play. They weren’t the only ones screaming actually. A few people in the crowd started to get bored and started shouting. I felt their frustration and boredom but didn’t want to get influenced by their energy. So I started looking around me again, I saw how there were cups on the ground. People were still ordering more beers, most of them only just starting. I saw how there was a carpet underneath the instruments on the stage, to this day still don’t know why, and I was peeking through the side curtain hoping to see some form of life backstage.
I saw a shimmer moving past and about 5 seconds letter the three band members were entering the stage. Sitting down behind their instrument or grabbing their guitar. One last breath, as I see the lead singer exhale the drummers kicks the bass hard and everyone is instantly drawn to the stage. As the drum kicks, again and again, the sound of the hammond organ comes into the mix and I am blown away by its sound. I can’t help but smile, my face just can’t do anything else it seems like. I am drawn towards the stage, my eyes switching from drums to organ, to guitar and every time I switch I see something different, something new. I see how the guitar player is moving his fingers up and down the strings, pressing them against the neck of the guitar. It creates this sneering sound that is piercing right through your eardrums straight into your soul.
I looked to the side of me, checking to see my girlfriend fulling emerged into the present moment. Focused on the lead singer and his guitar, moving gracefully from left to right. I saw her smile, it was a smile I had just felt myself. One that starts from the inside of your mouth. You feel the inside of your cheek tingle a little and then the corners of your mouth start to move up slowly. She tried to contain it for a few seconds but couldn’t and she was smiling ear to ear. I witnessed that, it made me feel like the happiest man alive. Like nothing else mattered to me anymore but seeing that smile grow and grow.
In just 2 small minutes I got into a state of mind I have never been in before. Focused, but present. Calm, but happy. Emerged, but distracted constantly by the there instruments on stage. I literally couldn’t control myself anymore, my leg moved up and down. My head banging left and right, up and down I lost my consciousness and felt truly present. I wasn’t distracted by thoughts of the future or the past I was completely drawn into the music. A few minutes passed and I hadn’t noticed anyone around me but my girlfriend. I looked to the side again and saw her closing her eyes, a sort of energy rushed through my body and I felt so calm and happy. She was enjoying it so much which meant I could enjoy it so much more. I closed my eyes just as she did and just listened and danced.
I heard every kick of the drum, every strike of the guitar strings, and every key pressed on the hammond organ. I just forget to listen to the voice singing. I forgot the one thing I normally focus on so much, the voice. I wasn’t missing anything I felt like, no I was satisfied and happy. I for ones felt like everything in music made sense to me. It made sense to me how people could lose themselves in songs or concerts. I was hit by this realization that all along I had never felt this presence in my life.
I never felt this happy before in my life.
I opened my eyes, looked up and saw all the lights turning off. A new song started playing a calm gentle start. It felt like the music was moving through the room in waves, from left to right and from right to left. A magical moment, at that moment I had everything I needed in my life. Being present and feeling loved. The drum kicked again and I closed my eyes, slowly moving my head in waves from left to right.
Every emotion, every feeling around me and inside me disappeared, except one. Happiness, true happiness. A kind that is felt within every section of your body. You never want to open your eyes again, you just want to be. Just be, not do anything just be here. It finally clicked inside my mind. I was feeling present, truly feeling present. The guitar player started his solo, I opened my eyes for a second and saw a big white light beam projected on him, his fingers moving quickly along the strings, pulling and pressing them all along the neck. My eyes shut again and I again felt like nobody was around me, I didn’t notice the people walking by me, I didn’t hear the people chatter in front of me, I didn’t even feel my own breath. It was just my soul and the soul of the music connecting. It sounds weird and spiritual, there is no denying that. It just felt amazing, that’s all that matters.
The song ended and faded away into the back of my mind. I noticed how my cheeks and jaws were physically hurting from being stretched so wide open. All this time I hadn’t noticed myself smiling, even though it physically hurt I couldn’t stop myself. The next song had started and the drummer was lit by this golden light. He closed his eyes and started doing his thing. His hair bouncing up and down and his body moving controlled but with an insane amount of energy. He banged away on the drums and there was nothing I could do but watch him. I moved my hands up to my mouth and literally stood there biting my lips to force my mouth from smiling. I one more time looked over to my girlfriend, what a feeling to see her being consumed by her passion. The sheer enjoyment on her face, her eyes twinkling full of amazement and her body moving without hesitation.
I now know what feeling lost in music means. I now know what truly enjoying means and I now know what love for life means. I fell in love with everything, I felt overwhelmed with happiness and never had I smiled so hard for so long. I felt lost in time and space for 2 hours before coming back to reality and still feeling the love in my body. Music speaks to the soul, but seeing music being performed live in front of you speaks to the heart. It trembles your body with self-love and it makes your heart want to burst out. It makes you lose consciousness and see the beauty in life. I truly lived that day.
Now I know you can’t live a life just listening to music or going to concerts, these are just quick highs in our lives. I know that, but there is a more valuable lesson to this story than just a good story. You see there is beauty in training yourself to be where you are right now and be grateful. I for sure ain’t grateful all the time, I am complaining about work or the way people spark negativity in me. It is a normal thing to not think about being grateful and to be negative, well actually it isn’t that normal. It is a mindset and habit we have been taught in our younger ages, unconsciously yes. Our parents have shown us that if we are negative we get a treat. If a baby cries most parents will give it a quick fix like a sweet or cookie when in fact you train the kid to think that crying is the way to get what you want in life. You don’t train that kid to feel his emotion and let it be for what it is. Allow that kid to feel sad for not getting a cookie and then kindly tell him to let his anger or sadness go and be content again. That’s really what being present is, it is being conscious of your thoughts, emotions, and actions and then reacting according to what you want to achieve in life.
That night I actually lost consciousness in a way that I lost consciousness of my surroundings and my body, but I didn’t lose consciousness of my emotions. No I felt them in the core of my body, I felt happiness flowing through every inch of my body and I allowed it to roam free. Now that is a happy emotion and we all want that te roams free in our body, but I have allowed myself to feel shit. To see that sometimes things ain’t feeling alright, but I know that by crying out loud I won’t achieve what I want in life. I will probably get a quick fix like the feeling of people agreeing with your negativity, but I don’t want their agreement. I want my own freedom and happiness and that comes from within. It is created by you and only you, so if I feel sad or angry or annoyed and I want to start complaining I think of this night. I think of how I let everything flow free through my body but I didn’t speak about it. I just felt it and allowed it to do whatever it wants within my body. Then it will pass likes clouds in the sky and the more you do this the faster your negative emotions will pass.
Be conscious about your emotions and your actions according to these emotions. You have control over your own body and actions, you don’t have control over your emotions so just let them be. Don’t try to grasp onto something that you can’t hold. If you try to hold a cloud will you be able to hold on to it? No you can’t you will go straight through and you will try again and again to the point where you get frustrated with not being able to control your emotions. At that point, you are starting to create a depression for yourself. A low point created by you and you only. Let go of the need to hold on to emotions and instead hold on to the consistency of your actions. Those actions will determine if you will live a happy life or a life full of bad choices and destruction to you and the people around you.
There is one more thing put on your favorite song for me, preferably an record or something that takes a little time to put on. Just sit, close your eyes and hear every word sung, every strike of the guitar strings and every drum hit. You will start to see how you can be truly present with a little bit of help of music.
If you want to see more of me check out my Instagram page, where I upload an image every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Hope you enjoyed this little story leave a clap if you feel like and don’t forget to come back next week for another story.
Keep smiling, and seek beauty in everything!
